The following is a real email TangaMonkey sent to Hasbro:

To Whom It May Concern:

My name is Dennis Hensley and I just purchased a Hasbro Mission Paintball Trainer game so I could practice up my paintball skills before I head out into the real world to get pelted by flying balls of paint encased in hard plastic. My friend got hit (twice) in his privates and still hasn’t recovered. I could send you a picture of his bruises if you want but I have to warn you that they are graphic in nature. So that is why I bought the Hasbro Mission Paintball Trainer, so that I could escape those pitfalls.

The problem that I’m having is that when I am playing the game and someone from the TV set hits my with a “virtual” paintball, I actually feel the hit occur on my own body. I’m telling you, it smarts like crazy! In fact, I’ve been close to being hit in the privates myself and it’s not fun at all (see attached picture.) One inch closer and I might have secured the nick name of Mr. Sterile among my friends. I had no idea that you could actually make a game where some invisible paintball shoots out of the TV and hits you in the stomach. I’m not complaining at all really because it really gets me ready for my real fight next weekend with real paintballs.

Can you tell me how this is happening so I can explain it to everyone else who are close to me?

Best,
Dennis Hensley

Hasbro’s Response:

Dear Dennis,

Thank you for contacting us regarding Hasbro’s Mission Paintball. We apologize for your recent experience and we appreciate your taking the time to bring this matter to our attention.

Unfortunately, the information you are requesting is not available.

Hasbro, Inc. prides itself on its excellent reputation, based on years of experience in planning, designing and constructing safe, dependable and age appropriate products. We do count on parents such as you to help us maintain the high standards we keep for parents and their children.

For your convenience, we are sending, under separate cover, a postage paid label to assist you in returning the product to us. Our postage paid labels are valid for four weeks from the date of this letter. As soon as we receive the product, we will forward it to our Quality Assurance team for further evaluation, and a replacement product of comparable value will be sent.

Again, thank you for contacting us.