I always get manhandled (or personhandled for you politically correct types.) My owner comes in every morning to play with me.

Lately, I’ve noticed some extra weight around the middle buddy. Time to lay off those Ho-Ho’s and start snacking on some raisins if you catch my drift. It’s not like we haven’t had this conversation before.

Remember last year during the holidays? As you cried in the shower because of the extra “15”? I remember those foul words that were uttered as you hosed off that “Canadian Tire”, as you liked to call it. You grabbed me with fierce abandon as you hastily cleaned yourself using only one of my unique water features.

But then things changed for the better… Summertime came, your skin became tan and the weight came off! You actually sang songs of joy as you used every single one of my water features in one showering session. Those were the days that I remember fondly my friend; those were the days…