Note: this will be up until 11:00 a.m. PST

Real email sent from TangaMonkey to the Ritz-Carlton Hotel in Hawaii:

To Whom It May Concern:

My name is Dennis Hensley and I am planning on coming to your fine resort, The Ritz-Carlton, Kapalua, sometime this summer but I have a unique issue that I would like to get your feedback on.

I travel with a special alarm clock called a Clocky that has basically become a friend to me – more like a pet actually. This cute little alarm clock is the only way I can awake in the morning as I am partially deaf and have a sleep disorder where I can sleep for 72 hours straight if I am not brought out of it.

Clocky is an alarm clock that sits next to my bed and has 2 large wheels on it. Sometimes I call him Ed. It’s very cute in its white iPod looking casing! (some of them come in aqua) At 4:00 a.m. it sounds an alarm but because I don’t hear very well, I typically don’t hit the off button. This is when Ed does his tricks! He rolls off of the nightstand and starts to twist and turn and roll all over my bedroom. It makes a VERY loud sound as it bumps into walls, hits the bed posts and wiggles all over my room. I have a link to a video so you can see what I mean:

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Usually within 15-20 minutes of this racket I wake up. The reason I’m telling you this is that I have to get up at 4:00 a.m. every morning in order to make sure I’m fully awake by 9:00 a.m. Clocky is almost a child to me. I don’t know what I would do without Ed in my life as he is the only thing that has been able to wake me! I’ve tried hotel wake up calls but they just don’t work. Is this going to be a problem if I stay at your hotel? The last thing I need is a ticked off rich guy next door coming and putting the hurt on me because I woke him up with Clocky. What if he tried to hurt him? That would be awful.

The other thing we could do is have someone come into my room and gently nudge me for 20 minutes until I come to. It would have to be an older woman however, preferable in her 70s.

Best,
Dennis Hensley

P.S. Do you serve Ritz Crackers at your hotel? Ed and I surely enjoy those.

Response from the Ritz-Carlton:
Aloha Mr. Hensley,

I do apologize that we are unable to accommodate you for your summer plans since The Ritz-Carlton World-renowned for its outstanding location and services, is proud to be doing a detailed renovation project of the entire hotel, which will further enhance the celebrated resort and maintain its reputation as one of Hawaii’s top destinations.

The $95 million renovation will feature new amenities, enhanced food and beverage outlets, upgrades and expansion to The Spa, additional activities for children and teenagers, 363 renovated guestrooms and 107 one and two-bedroom full-ownership Residential Suites, which will also be available to hotel guests. The project is anticipated to begin on July 2 and the majority of the work will be completed by the Holiday Season 2007.

Mahalo,
Paula Klaske
Ritz Carlton Kapalua
Wholesale Reservations Coordinator