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And lo there were neither apples, nor peaches, nor any produce in all of Tanga

And lo there were neither apples, nor peaches, nor any produce in all of Tanga

A great tragedy has befallen the land of Tanga. Where once verdant pastures surrounded us, we now must toil in a desolate landscape, a barren wasteland devoid of—I can barely bring myself to say it—fruit.

Why, O Tanga rain gods, have you snatched away my Red Delicious? I have gone down among the people, I have witnessed their grief at the loss of yet another innocent strawberry, and I know that nothing less than the return of their sweet produce could ever restore them to any semblance of their previous online presence. How long must we wail and gnash our teeth—teeth, mind you, that yearn only for the delectable nectar of a level 3 peach—before Those Upon High return to us our precious peaches, our cherished cherries, and our beloved bananas? I beseech you, Tanga Incarnate, to deliver us from this fruitless Hell we now dwell in.

Give me back my apple!

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