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Holiday Eating Tips - Enjoy!

Holiday Eating Tips - Enjoy!

HOLIDAY EATING TIPS

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a
holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit.
In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next
door, where they’re serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly.
It’s rare. You cannot find it any other time of
year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000
calories in every sip? It’s not as if you’re going
to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It’s a
treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two.
It’s later than you think. It’s Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it That’s the
whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it
on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it
with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they’re made
with skim milk or whole milk. If it’s skim, pass. Why
bother? It’s like buying a sports car with an automatic
transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an
effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to
a Christmas party is to eat other people’s food for
free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between
now and New Year’s. You can do that in January when
you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long
naps, which you’ll need after circling the buffet table
while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of
eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet
table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size
of Santa, position yourself near them and don’t budge.
Have as many as you can before becoming the center of
attention. They’re like a beautiful pair of shoes.
If you leave them behind, you’re never going to see
them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. ;Have a
slice of each. Or if you don’t like mincemeat, have
two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When
else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it’s
loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it
at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. If you don’t feel terrible when you leave the
party or get up from the table, you haven’t been paying
attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is
just around the corner.

AND 11: One final tip: Find Funny People to hang out with,
they will help you laugh your ASS off, no need for exercise.

Remember this motto to live by:

“Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the
intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well
preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate
in one hand, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out
and screaming “WOO HOO what a ride!”.

Have a great holiday season!

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